Dog Stuff


In honor of my best friend.....

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Rusty, adopted in 2003 from a rescue group in NY, is now 10, and my best friend, so I dedicate these pages to him, and to all canine adoptees.

The dog's diary:

7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

A Dog's Bill of Rights


I have the right to give and receive unconditional love.
I have the right to a life that is beyond mere survival.
I have the right to be trained so that I do not become the prisoner of my misbehavior.
I have the right to adequate food and medical care.
I have the right to fresh air and green grass.
I have the right to socialize with people and dogs outside my own family.
I have the right to special time with my people.
I have the right to be bred responsibly if at all.
I have the right to be foolish and silly, and to make my person laugh.
I have the right to earn my person's trust and to be trusted in return.
I have the right to be forgiven.
I have the right to die with dignity.
I have the right to be remembered well.

New Dog Breeds Proposed by the Continental Kennel Club

Bull Terrier +
BullShitz, a gregarious but unreliable breed
Collie +
Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Spitz +
Chow Chow
SpitzChow, a dog that throws up a lot
Bloodhound +
BloodyBore, a dog that's not much fun
Pointer +
Poinsettera, a traditional Christmas pet
Kerry Blue Terrier +
Skye Terrier
BlueSkye, a dog for visionaries
Great Pyrenees +
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingnese +
Lhasa Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel +
English Springer Spaniel
IrishSpringer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever +
Curly Coated Retriever
LabCoatRetriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland +
Basset Hound
NewfoundAssetHound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier +
Terribull, a dawg thet maks awfull misteaks
Bloodhound +
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Malamute +
MootPoint, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway
Collie +
Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound +
Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

Things We Can Learn from Dogs


Never pass up the chance for a joy ride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Take naps and stretch before rising.
Run, romp and play daily.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you are not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
When you are happy, dance around and wag your whole body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing, run back and make friends.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Dogs & Creation

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.
Phil Pastoret

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
Robert A. Heinlein

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America , we might as well do as the Americans do."

Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. "Two dogs, please," says one.

The vendor is too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil, and hands them over the counter. Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to un-wrap their 'dogs'. The mother superior begins to blush and, then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part... did you get...?"